It Always Comes Back To You

Hey Friends!

I tried very hard to stick to the schedule and get this out to you yesterday but it just wasn't going to happen. And remember we're flowing not forcing, therefore if it feels forced it can wait.

The title is a realization/statement that I haven't been able to let go of. AND if you haven't noticed by now, that's how it typically goes. There's a thought or a feeling I can't let go of, that gets me right here in your good graces for a little chat.

ANYWHO!

I gained this realization in therapy. The realization that no matter what is happening, it really always comes back to me. And actually, in the moment I gained it, I let my therapist know that I didn't like her.

In the moment she had knowingly "read" me. And looking back on it, this a fact she's trying to get me to grasp because clearly I'm not there yet.

And for the record, it's not that I didn't like her; actually I love her. But I didn't like this reality that I needed to grasp. The reality that even though my feelings and thoughts are valid, regarding situations and other people, it all still comes back to me.

It all goes back to my ability to take responsibility for what I can control...which the only thing I can control, is me. Me controlling my responses/reactions to everything. My ability to actually be conscious of me, while I'm in the middle of something. How am I reacting? And when I am reacting, why am I reacting in that manner?

And If I'm honest, that's a hard pill to swallow. ESPECIALLY when I'm not the one at fault. In these moments I have to really be conscious of not allowing my assertiveness to become aggression.

I mean as I continue to grow and heal, I assume it gets easier to do so. It's just working through the initial stages of "you got me messed up."

It takes way less energy for me to look at me and check myself, than to convince another person that they're wrong and/or that they need to change. And when I thought about it, it's so true. So I tested myself. I figured the best way to be more conscious of how I'm feeling is to be intentional with my reactions.

Over the past week or so, when situations have come up that could potentially trigger me or make me upset, I've paused to take a moment to ask myself the following things:

1. Why did this trigger or make me upset?

2. What do I want out of this situation?

3. What do I need to do for me?

In asking myself these things, the biggest one for me, has been number three. Essentially it comes back to, what does Helen need to do for Helen, to prevent me from flipping a table and/or allowing something infinitesimal to bother me.

With those questions, I am also able to identify if I'm just mad because someone isn't operating in the manner that I would, and/or how I want them to. I identify if there is place in which I am still hurting and needing to grow, OR realizing that whatever is going on with the other person has nothing to do with me. Which if that's the case I need to take me out of it, and step away.

I'm reminded of what the late great Mr. Butler always taught us:

"Control your attitude, your emotions, and your mouth." -Charles L. Butler

I couldn't grasp it back then of how real this statement was. It wasn't relevant just because I was a teenager, but this was a real life lesson. Looking back on it now, it was simple statement that would guide me and keep me grounded.

Friends, if the only thing you can control is you, then it always comes back to you. It comes back to you and the current head & heart space you may currently be in. It's time for some real self inventory.

Because really no matter the situation, you're responsible for how you respond.

Let's chat soon.

-HH